The Bar Academy Awards: A Winning List With 6 Oscar-Worthy Spirits
THE OSCARS glam and drama might have unfolded in Hollywood, California, but we’re bringing its ‘spirit’ right into the comfort of your home. If you’ve ever wondered about which Academy Award your favourite bottle of liquor would scoop up, then ponder no further: we’ve counted up all the votes in the secret ballot to crown these winners. There was ‘stiff’ competition across the various categories, but rest assured, the mutual respect between all the nominees ensured no friendships ended ‘on the rocks’. Ready? Let’s hand out the statuettes while you catch up with the complete winners’ list.
The Bar Award For Coolest Star | Winner: Black Dog Scotch Whisky
With a name like that, we believe he's the cool dawg of the star world, almost like the actor known for playing your enigmatic spy next-door, who somehow blends into the crowd but still stands out amid the glitterati. Don’t let subtlety fool you — this whisky was crafted in Scotland way back in 1883, so while some of you may be younger than the award for Best Picture (which has been around since 1929!), this classy Scotch has been quenching thirsts around the world for over a century! Black Dog has all the smoothness of a veteran actor and the complexity of an Oscar-winning role. Dramatic in real life maybe not, but on screen, his transformation is quicker than that of a cheetah chasing after its next prey.
The Bar Award For Sassy Siren | Winner: Smirnoff Red
It's time we shine the spotlight on a real star who has been sneaking around and giggling away from the camera flashes. She may keep a low profile, but trust us when we say her name is known around the world, she’s Red. Smirnoff Red. If there was a female version of a famous British espionage agent, it would definitely be her. Ruffling feathers, igniting certain rumours, and yet, somehow, Red always manages to wash her hands clean of any drama — even when she’s behind it. She’s the life and soul of every party and we won’t be surprised if she hosts an Oscars after-party with the rich and famous — aka her close confidants.
The Bar Award For Crowd & Critics’ Favourite | Winner: Johnnie Walker Black
Everyone talks about him but he seldom makes an appearance, much like the actor with dreamy Sicilian eyes, and everyone’s favourite person—a legend of sorts. Having tasted success very early in his career, he’s now reaping the accolades and benefits. Johnnie Walker Black loves the slow life and enjoys being a recluse these days. So somehow even when he’s avoiding the drama, the drama doesn’t quite leave him as everyone wants him to be at their party and talk about the good old days, and do impressions of his evergreen characters on the silver screen.
The Bar Award For Popular Phenomenon | Winner: Captain Morgan Dark Rum
Who else but the beloved dramatic pirate for this one? He's unbeatable as the OG captain of the ship sailing through the Caribbean with that natural charm and a determined glint in his eye. He paves the way for drama and it happily follows him wagging its tail and creating memorable moments. Consider doing cartwheels and running around as if a swarm of bees were after you, of course, pirate-style. Captain Morgan is a dear friend of Black Dog and it puzzles their fans as to how two such clashing personalities are so close. Maybe it’s a case of kindred spirits below the surface.
The Bar Award For Smoothest Seduction | Winner: Baileys Original Irish Cream
Let this timeless beauty surprise you, or maybe not — for she’s the star of the ‘60s, and her grace and poise are eternal. A stately figure, she has been a staple at the Academy Awards and is the fairy godmother of the ceremony, whose speech everyone looks forward to. So, let the timelines blur and the libations flow; who knows if Baileys’ long-lost love is yet to be found in the crowd?
The Bar Award For Lifetime Achievement | Winner: Don Julio Blanco
Another fixture at the Oscars, tequila doesn't get better than Don Julio Blanco. Don Julio is a grave man with acres of agave plantations to his name, after he held a string of supporting roles in prestigious films that made him a household name. Now he savours his handcrafted tequila and has glamorous parties attended by bigwigs at his villa in L.A. Of course he makes it to the Academy Awards in his trademark white hat and cool sunglasses. We heard from the grapevine that he was absent from the scene for a decade after Madame Bailey tied the knot with his nemesis, a wine connoisseur. But now that she’s single once again, who knows what drama will ensue?
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